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Death of America, death of me

I weep for our crumbling Democracy. The one thing which makes watching this sedition/insurrection/coup easier is knowing my time in short. I don't want to live in this version of America. I am too good for you.

I was hoping to write an uplifting post about Georgia's run off race. Hopeful Democrats would control the Senate (breaking news, they did), allowing them to bring bills like the Medical Cannabis Research Act, which Republicans have thwarted at every turn, to the floor. But now I worry we may not even have a 117 session of Congress. I worry for the future, even if I am not in it.

I have PET schedule for Jan 11, followed by CT guided needle biopsy, date TBD. tumor board on Wed 13th, Onc appt. on Jan 18th where Dr. A will discuss my options. At this point in my disease progression what I really need is a trial. But the catastrophic mismanagement of the pandemic makes that challenging. Oncology trials are SO specific, finding the best match might mean moving for 6 months to a large research center like Memorial Sloan Kettering or MD Anderson. Bruce and I are open to all options, but too safely make that happen seems impossible.

To prepare for my biopsy I stopped all Cannabinoid based meds on Dec. 28th, to have 3 weeks off all chemo agents. I hope giving my honest account of coming off 100mg/day of THC will be helpful for researchers and physicians following my blog. In case new readers are shocked by 100mg daily Cannabis regime, let me again state, this was under the guidance of Dr. Bonni Goldstein who treats many metastatic patients on high dose Cannabis, some with great success. If you search the web you can find month long residential treatment centers to detox from Cannabis. After having just gone from 100mg to 0 in 3 days I find this laughable. Maybe its cause I'm one tough fighter. After 12 round of Taxol, 18 round of Carbo, 6 round of Doxil and a 12 inch incision with 54 staples, quitting Cannabis wasn't bad. I don't want to minimize other struggles. About 8 percent of users do develop dependency and maybe they really do need residential detox support. For the record, that is half the rate for alcohol. Despite stoping cold turkey I have no cravings or interest in Cannabis. Over the past week I did have weird body tingles, that I can best describe like a soft, fuzzy version of shivers/when a limb falls asleep. It felt like my entire body's chemical pathways were resetting themselves. I also had a few days of mild gastro grumblings, and some disordered sleep. But it is all resolving itself.

Cannabis was medicine, and when that medicine stopped working I stopped taking it. But if it had kept working would you say I was addicted? Is a diabetic addicted to insulin? Is a child with Dravet's epilepsy that achieves seizure control "addicted" to Cannabis? I would argue the DEA is more addicted to lying, suppressing science, using Cannabis as a political weapon and the money and power all this brings, than I was to Cannabis. I quit cold turkey, I challenge you, DEA, to do the same.

I open to Cannabis in the future, but for now I head back to traditional care plan with the hopes of one more remission. If I can figure out better dosing I hope to return to Cannabis after this chemo series is over.

Meanwhile, in countries that don't suppress science, the research moves ahead. This, hot of the pre-print server, paper is a review of the ESC and Gyn Cancer. The endocannabinoid system is so important is female reproduction, I see hope for novel targets for other Gyn diseases like POS and Endometriosis.

If I'm still alive, and if we still have a country, I will post my treatment plan in 2 weeks.

Hold our fragile democracy in your hearts and let us all hope and work for a safe transfer of power.


video of Bruce giving Cooper a massage, cause we could all use a calming cat video today.

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