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To be or not Doobie

Unfortunately the internal bile stint didn't work. I went back to UCLA 2 weeks ago for an external bile drain, which should have been more effective. Unfortunately the bile just doesn't want to come out, and I'm turning into a yellow Oompa Loompa.

Every day has been a question of, "To be, or not to be?"

The pain has become unmanageable, I have a fever from an infection in my liver, There is no room in my abdomen for food or water to sustain me. There are no more treatment options. So the unfortunate conclusion I reached last weekend is that it is time to say goodbye to this beautiful world.

I'm so grateful that in California we have End of Life Act, which allows me to choose the time when I let go of life. Here I go again breaking down stereotypes and barriers and stigmas!

Before I go I want to express how grateful I am to all of you, friends near and far, new and old, for traveling with me on this journey. I'm also so grateful to the endless compassion of my infusion team at Ridley Tree.

In a few weeks, the big scientific mystery paper I've been hinting at will be available on PubMed. It's quite a story, a dying girl does all she can to save her own life, doing research in another county, because she can't do the research in the U.S. Watch this space for an announcement and link, and send it to to every oncologist and physician you know, whether they are interested or not!

My dying wish is that you work together to advance cannabis science and fight the stigma and legal barriers to cannabis medicine. It's time to launch a new field, cannabinoid oncology!

Farewell everyone. I carry you all in my heart.


15 bình luận

28 thg 9, 2021

Wishing you peace and comfort and sending love to you both across the (well-travelled) miles,

You are in our thoughts and our hearts.

Peter and Jenny xx


26 thg 9, 2021

Michelle, your butterfly wings have created so many beautiful ripples - we have all been deeply touched and changed by your friendship. You will live on in our hearts. Your life will continue to inspire. Wishing you great peace and light. I love you.


26 thg 9, 2021

Dearest Michelle, Reading this and wanting to reply, I'm lost for words. Such a mixture of feelings - heart wrenching grief; rage that you have had to suffer this f'ing cancer; and deepest admiration for your tenacity and courage in researching every possible option for your health and making a film about options not being offered or explored.

Most suprisingly, whilst sitting here wondering what to say, alongside my tears and anger, a small smile crept across my face too. Thinking of you, reflecting on time with you and Bruce long ago in Aus, and of everything I've read in your blog also made me smile. Because in the face of the pain and uncertainty, you were gutsy and RAN…


26 thg 9, 2021


I think you know this, but I don't think I've ever said it: we love you. It's been wonderful to get to know you over the years. And you've been such an inspiration in this battle.

Con fuertes abrazos,



26 thg 9, 2021

Dearest Michelle and Bruce,

we hold so many special memories of our time together in Brisbane. You are both frequently in our thoughts and even more so now. Your courage and strength through everything is an inspiration to everyone around you.

Sending much love - til we meet again xxx

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